We went to watch hillbilly truck towing competition, murmuring big motors, smoke to high heavens, masterfully build engines. Killer machines. Grass were burning in the audience, big cigars but no big wigs. Local politician made a speech how we needed more motor jobs and localizated fun. We front rowed, this was some awesome man shit right here. We heard a hillbilly joke, what does a tree say to the other? Bark. What do you get when you put a whole class of hillbillies in a bus, full set of teeth. Then we went to a local doom metal show, it was guy with a beard, one with a strap down pants and a maniac drummer. They played very well. Dooming and booming bass trebling the soundscape of the room.
Then we went cruising when the sun was setting, low ryda style. Motarized moving. Triple threat vibes on the streets, dangerous people moving around. We kicked some gas. It was smell of grand theft in the air and it smelled like sweet cha-ching music. We saw some cool bitches at the local beach, real dumptruck behinds. Southside mama with a dumptruck. Whoo wee what a load. Pussy was on mind and i betcha it was adventageous. I had a hovering quivery what kind of pussy did Redstag like, he said raunchy, suckering, pulsating nastyness. I was more of an assdestroyah and cum shotta kind of dude. We should do some huzzah shite and snap into a slim job where we scimming some cards and shite. We got it going, first, few street highwayman jobs, then the cards, easy money but greasy. Scimming machine was running loud as fuck, all that quick dosh, we made it to 50k and stopped. Now this was street tank money, we got one of them SUVs with a machine gun that would go up and down. We gunned down a street sign, holed all up. Hooting and hollering, guns a blazing, godly machine gun serenades were had on empty streets of Oil Town. Deeply investing in shooting up, down, sideways. Then we had some wine in the mids of gunsmoke. We started to listen to this band Old dirty gunsmoke, they were talking about getting high as shit and taking down the enemy, my style, shotguns. We started our gang finally as unofficial as it can be in the shadows and secrets of the underworld that kept asking a name and the name would be Murder Blockade, no patches, no names just murder.
We were talking and walking down this alley near the boulevard when suspicious looking man in all blacks and buttoned up shirt approached us. He just straight up said we were Murder captain and Majestic murder being and to keep it up, scum of earth needed to leave, he ”accidentally” dropped a card that said Keyboards inc. I think we got in too deep now.
We saw this rich guy called Matt, he was saying to people he had lot of money, we got him drunk and into motel and started to cut off his fucking leg so we would get money. The leg was off, the man was gone to some coma or some shit. We were about to leave when shotgun boogie man put a barrel in my mouth suddenly when i tried to exit the door. I backed off back to the scene. He took our guns and the credit card and said you are free to go and this leg can be put back so big fuck yous, fuck offs and go to hell you fucking maniac freaks. Shit backfired plenty.
We gassed to the stratosphere and plenty dust devils were flying when we finally took off into oblivion from this hellscape. We arrived at the edge of the desert, we got that goddamn scum bag blues. I got no money honey, it was scattered to the winds. We scurved down deep into the valley of thievery. First we waistband stole 4 pieces of .38 snubnose revolvers. Things were gonna get bangy. We visited Proper Fockers Road 45. First door kicked in the neighbourhood hey hey, what'cha got, proper pepper, beef and rainy dosh. We had steaks that were full of valium. Things got slow, but second door we knocked, howdy, both tiny barrels at ya face sucka. Smoke from the lousy drip did this one had, we puffed and pulled and shit was getting even slower, fuckery and smokery all mixed together in this windmill of a life. Wall trapestry of a big dragon started to breathe a little bit, i wonder if the hit had PCP in it. Well more boost for more thievery. We took 2 joints per person. And he laughed have fun cunts and don't rob, one house has a shotgun. And mister i aint telling you jack where it is.
Alabama flag, we don't fuck with those, yes the man was cleaning it and we saw from the window. We went to have swigs of whisky at the rad mobile, it was time to leave after pouring small drip for the dead ones, good three down the hatch, shit was starting to feel electric. I don't give a fuck about symbolism, unless it's real, church is a lie if you die, from side to side scurving like hell and on the run. These dudes okay. Alrighty then, back to the story, what the hell did they do this time? Who knows, do you, do you know?
Boom, back to bopping heads doing that man shite. Bar first, let's destroy some brain particles. Drinking again, there was lone cowboy sipping that purple thang, berry drink empty at his side. Sweet colour, purple. Dropping ice to the class we were finally having non-maniac fun. But where ever i go i dont give a fuck. We went fishing, i caught blob fish, big sea carp and a snake, Redstag got half-a-carton of cigarettes in a rubber boot, some cash that was thrown earlier, and a sea turtle. We started smoking dem good goods, not hotboxing this mother up, non-fucking up, not caughing up a lung.
We saw this really bossy man, bossiest of bosses, maybe he was also boss of gays. Champion boss of cock. Or something like that, that's the aura he got and he was fully cottoned up, real cotton eye joe. But he was no rider.
BUT WE WERE, hahaha yes drivers, hell yeah driving, We needed new batch of the day. We got some ether, jackings cackings car jackings. Incredible not that we never get caught, it was because we took care of all the dirty hiney holeys in near land. Haha, choose your targets wisely gentlemen.
There was a wild gimp man on the loose, two dildos in his hands, freedom running to some victory we mere mortals didn't understand. Holy shit was this man free, even got a flag on his back. Well we were hell on wheels and never gonna stop, at least if it isn't a gas station, a rock no roll gas station, i knew one. Revving intensifies. So does riffing from the radio.
Big sunglasses on, we headed to the desert. Scurves scurving, lanes changing, epicness a head if he did thing right way, or the wrong way. We chose right side right now, that's the way it was gonna be. We clapped good high fives and were off. Drums from the deep tail of the motor wheeling machine. Bass booming, desert trials started. I put on the nitros we haven't tested yet and achieved good 250 miles per hour. Tuggummi from the glove box. When you travelling 250mph gas stations come in 50 minutes. I let go off the throttle, our prehistoric dawg machine put it paws on the pavement.
Indian drums started to play a hypnotic beat, there was a traveller looking guy in robes playing. We took few beers from the machine and sit down and listened diridindindindindundundundunduu, yeah. After nice relaxation sesh we headed inside, Redstag had caught a speedtrap-expert who was mellowing it out he said so the heat wont get him. He mellowed out good 100 grams. Then we were pouching this bitch up. Powder season was in. Ghetto blasters blasting good tunes. The smell was heady. Reefer men were on it. She's on it, i mean a big bike. Some residue on a shirt, was it cum? Nah, just crusty ass yugurth, son. The medusa of the moment was getting stronger, but where? I did know, we should pull thru this bullshit and get into action again and again.
We hit the streets, tramping forward, into bar alley, fiercly opening the thirt door. Hello bastards, who got money in this town? I asked the first table, they didn't know. Someone hollered as at the back, here, come here. Pssttt fuckers this is no shooting gallery. But we heard some big jackets coming in, with their fine palette of murder, mayhem, extortion etc. One two shoot and go was our new system.
We went to this mob kind of place, walked in, there they were, big fat men in corner being rowdy, some women too, we would have to wait, we took table on the corner near them. Rockabilly band started play some twangy rock n roll. We started to have some fun, some booger in bathroom stalls, girls were dancing rock n roll. And lot of drink, pissing all over stalls and forming a gang. Two man parade into sweet sweet victory of dosh and prideful death to all them fuckers.
”Hehehe they all died from mustard gas we put in vents”
”Yeah, real smelly bullshit to them all”
”Haha yeah”
We heard them talk. It was getting late already, one fat man was sleeping, the other poked him awake and they started waddle outside to a car, we had to run for it, we exited thru bathroom window, hop. And then run to the car we parked at the back. Quickly after the fatso mobile. Then we hit the gas, went for the side window and shot the living shit out of them, then more gas and the front door, orc jumped out on our car, we hit the breaks and he rolled to water and coughed not and died. We checked the car, we got info from their phones where they lived, it was gonna be burgralize the world after this.
There was a message in the radio ”Dracula arise, now on theaters” interesting, maybe we would see real dracula arising somewhere, we would have to keep our fingers on the pulse. We drove and drove to this dark underworld of criminality, it was seeping into our skins when we finally arrived at the location of the fatmen. It was cool house with double stairs. We creeped in closer, real quiet, commando style front door bust in, there was a gathering there. Shot at the ceiling, everybody shit their pants. It was couple of dorks and few chicks playing videogame. Too bad for them, we started blasting, bloodbath ensued. After that we took the expensive gaming equipment. Checked the house, good 500 grams of weed, expensive armory and jewelrery. They had real gangster vibes to them. I took opaque ring with white skull on it, this was my style. The circle of destruction needed new victims. And before that couple of soadie pops would fulfill our thirst.
Into new whirlwind of madness we went, driving till we hell bent. We started to run out of gas and ditched the car, god damn, there was a gas station 5 miles ahead of them...
At the gas station there were evil looking old rednecks. They spat at us some tobacco juice and said howdy doing city slickers.
We went bar running again, now at dirty bar, two grenades flew in, throwing everything into shit fit. Goddamn jesus christ we needed a saviour, we had jumped the bar counter earlier just before the grenades hit because they screamed bloody murder outside. There was a crazy woman in hot pants shooting up the guys outside, she hit two, three of them run to the car further away and got away, what kind of mess we get ourselves again? Only god knows, and he ain't one to answer. Helicopter starte to fly low, rock n roll was playing from it, what the hell was this? Then they changed to fly of the valkyries, and did full rocket barrage to the escaping car. It was implied they were up to no good and had it coming for a long time. We were talking smack and walking down the shotgun alley. Chaotic reactions inbound, bad shit onbound. Bullshit, we got a ride from shotgun alley, into to the black valley. And things were gonna get fishy.
We went to a old video store to watch some videos but the guy behind the counter started to piss me off.
”Hey fuckface, dont touch the merchandise and fuck off as soon as you came, we closing soon”
Luckily it was a dark alley way and i got a shotgun, his face was melting soon and my pockets were full of video cash. And now i got to the meat market, there were cool meat cleavers about, even an orcish knife, i bought one, thing were gonna get choppy. Chop slop shop and no cop. I showed it do a Redstag and he said it was crazy gnarly looking being. It was one of the shiniest things i ever seen. I was on a good killing mood, we checked out a chinese restaurant, in we went, they had human laying on a table that wasnt breathing, okay, i took the cleaver to nearest target, Redstag started blasting, fuck them cannibal psychos. We were some poor hellraisers looking for that money. Wham bam thank you mam, we fucked them up good, to the death, one fridge had some cold cash. We didnt find any more money. And fucked off. Into our car, we needed to be quick, the blood was drying up. I took a dirty showed, luckily any of the blood wasnt mine. And the cleaver did it's singing, what a mighty device, i put it to a kitchen counter.
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